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About Deviant Kylee N. L.Female/United States Recent Activity
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Wow. I've been away from DA for a while simply because I got like no feedback and therefore felt no reason to write. Excuse me while I just go KMS cause I'm sorry. Well, now I'm back so HOPEFULLY I can get my story going again! Wooh!

Also... awkward moment where I could've sworn I had a couple pages of Chapter 3 already but it's not in my so fack. Guess I'm starting it from scratch :/
So I'm not gonna post Chapter 3 until I get feedback on Chapter 2
"Go away!" I bark at my brother Jake, who stands in my doorway angrily. Why does he always come in when I want to be alone? I wish he'd leave me be, like everyone else has been lately. Every time they hear my music, they turn the other way and try to ignore it. I guess they are still labeling it as 'screamo.' Whatever, I enjoy it. The lyrics speak to me, all of them.
But they are too ignorant to see that I need my music. Since Jake is still standing there, not caring about my music, I continue to yell at him to leave, but he doesn't take it too well. "You don't have authority to make me do anything. Learn your place, Laura." This makes me mad, and I snap like I did months ago with Lily. It's been happening nearly daily as I get more annoyed, and every time I snap I hate myself more.
"Go the hell away, Jake. There's this thing called privacy, leave me the fuck alone and close my door!" My mom hears this and comes down the hall, worry shining in her green eyes. Seeing my broken mom, I look away, burying my face in my knees. I hear my mom and Jake argue quietly, and then I hear Jake stomp down the hall. I close my eyes, waiting for my mom to leave. She is starting to understand that cuddling me makes me feel worse.
I hear her sigh, and then she turns and walks down the hall. After about thirty seconds, I break into tears. Eventually I get my courage up and wipe away my tears, checking in the mirror to make sure my face isn't tear-streaked. Taking in a breath so I don't breakdown again, I go down the hall and into the kitchen. I grab a cup out of the cupboard and fill it with tap water, gulp it down, then put it on the counter and vanish back into my room.
I start getting dressed, wanting to get out of the house. All of my clothing is loose now, and it annoys me. But it also kinda boosts my self-esteem. Last week, when I stepped on the scale, I was at 140lbs. But I still feel insignificant, too thick to be beautiful. Slipping on my boots and making sure my stomach looks flat, I brush my hair and put black eyeliner around my eyes. Then I turn and leave my room, stomping down the hall angrily. I open the front door and hear Jake yell at me, saying I have to do something, like always. I close the door behind me, not bothering to listen to him.
I walk up the driveway, turning left on the small street we live on. There is a little wooded area right next to my street, which everyone is too scared to go in. But I was dared a few months back, back when I was social. Now, at the end of the summer and nearing my 14th birthday, I love those woods. They're like a safe-haven, a place to hide from everyone.
Hearing someone swing the door open in my house, I speed up to a jog. Can't they tell I'm leaving cause I don't want to snap and hurt them? I kick a rock lightly, and then look up. I smile, seeing my neighbor's house, with the front door in direct line of sight. I angle my foot right, and then kick the rock at their front door.
I almost start running before my foot meets with the rock, not wanting to get in trouble. Yeah, they are, or... were my friends, but even if I don't get in trouble I don't want to see them. I dash down the street, the beat of my heart becoming more and more rapid and the sound of my footsteps more frequent.
As I run down the street, I can't help but let out a laugh. I pester old friends all the time and I don't really know why. Maybe some part of me misses their company... But the majority just wants to hide from everyone.
Crossing over a large street, I slow my run back down to a walk. Looking at all the people around, which isn't many, I make the observation that they all look happy and poppy. I wonder if any of them hide their sadness with those clothes, too. Eh, whatever; whether they do is none of my concern... I need to get to my woods.
I shift my gaze straight ahead, focusing on getting to my destination. I just want to get away, and since I am nearly the only one brave enough to go in there, I am almost entirely isolated once I step through the hole in the fence. Yeah, it isn't made for people to go in, but no one ever looks through it to make sure no one's there or anything. I've never ran into anyone while in there... I just see a lot of squirrels and rabbits.
Finally making it to the edge of the woods, I smile somewhat. Finally, I can be away from the world. Looking around to see if anyone is looking, I slip into an alleyway next to the woods and some person's abandoned house. Scanning the fence around the woods for the bush that hides the hole in the chain link, I speed up my pace. I want to get to it as soon as possible; I need to.
Nearly missing the bush, I skid to a stop and dash behind the bush. Once I am hidden in the underbrush, I feel the fence for the tear. Come on, it's gotta be here somewhere... I think as i almost cut my finger on the edge of it. Here we are... I slide both hands to the area and pull it apart as well as I can.
Since I've done this multiple times before, it opens pretty easily and I lift my leg to step in. I glance over my shoulder, and then swing in the rest of the way. I nearly fall onto my knees but I catch myself with one hand.
Now I'm in. Finally, I'm alone; I'm safe. I think as I run further in. Once there are a couple trees separating me from the fence, I allow myself to slow down to a walk. My eyes scan the area, looking for the trees that show I am headed in the right direction.
I glance around, habit controlling me even though I know I'm entirely alone. I lean against the nearest tree and crumple to my knees, crying my eyes out. I lift my head and scan around the forest, a horrible and disturbing idea coming to mind; At least, it would be horrible to anyone else. But this idea frequently comes and goes, to the point that I barely even realize I thought about it.
As always, I brush the thought away and stand, wiping my eyes and walking forward. I look around and then begin to hear the quiet trickle of water up ahead. I'm nearing the stream. It leads to a small pond. Although I prefer to sit at the stream bed and watch the water, sometimes I go to the pond.
I slow my pace, the sound of the water calming me and soon enough the shiny surface making me feel content, which is a feeling I could use more of. I forget about everything and anything. When I touch my stomach I don't cringe, I don't think about how terrible a person I can be. Everything's fine, normal, happy.
A smile begins to cross my face and my eyes light up. I reach the stream bed and kneel down on a dry spot, stirring the water with my fingers. The icy feeling stabs through my fingers and then they go numb, my bright blue eyes watching the water flow beautifully.

* * * * *
I open the door and take a breath. It's nearly dark out and my family is gonna freak out if I stay out longer, as I've been ignoring my phone. I step into the house and close the door behind me quietly, running to my room before my siblings come into the living room and go off on me for being out alone for so long.
I slip into my room and shut the door silently, grabbing my headphones and sitting on my bed. I take my phone out of my pocket for the first time since I stormed out, and plug my headphones in, starting my music. It takes me a moment to realize my hands are shaking. I guess my anxiety has set back in. The sense of contentment the water gave me has worn off, making me seem to feel worse than I did earlier.
I look over at the mirror and put my headphones on, seemingly unable to remove my eyes from the ghostly blue ones hiding behind the messy, dull brown hair. Finally my eyes shift and scan the rest of me. I look terrible. This isn't a new thing, though. I groan and then get up and walk into the living room and make my presence known to my family. But my music is blasting and I'm sure they can hear it; I won't be able to hear them now.
I wander into the bathroom and see the band-aids, the same demented thought flashing by from before. Maybe today would be the day I gave in and let myself listen to the idea. I shake my head and wander into my bedroom, laying on my bed. I close my eyes and just tune out the world.
* * * * *
When I open my eyes, it's pitch black in my room and the rest of the house. I check my phone- it's 3 in the morning- and smile. My favorite time of night, Everyone's asleep. I pull out my headphones and get off my bed, stretching and then going into the living room. I put on something-a strange horror movie- and go to the bathroom. While I'm in there, I spot the band aids again. I reach out and grab them, my hand shaking more with every second.
My intuition earlier was right, tonight was the night. I pull out one of the big ones and then put the box back, rushing to my room. I begin storming through my stuff looking for something I hid the first time I thought about this- my sharpener. I find it in a box of my old schoolwork and then rummage for a screwdriver. I don't know what I'm doing, or why. I'm just... curious. I've heard of this before, I wonder what it feels like, will it work?
Hah! There it is. I begin to get to work on the sharpener, unscrewing the single screw that holds the blade in place. The screw comes out easy and I close my eyes. Am I really gonna do this? Opening them, I grab the razor blade in my hand and lock my door. I grab the band aid and then look at my body. Where am I gonna do it? Everyone will see it on my wrist, we can't have that. Thigh seems cliche but... it's all I can think of.
The choice is made- thigh it is. I sit down on the floor and pull down my pants enough to reveal my upper half of my leg. I hold the razor blade out, my hand still shaking, feel the fiery hate for myself well up inside of me as I stare at the glint of the blade.
Maybe There's Hope... *Chapter 2*
I finally got it up!!! Yay! I told you guys I was writing... I just was having trouble getting to the part I wanted to. But I'm there now, so this should be a BREEZE!

Sorry guys if this is offensive to you.. Telling a story. Want to talk to me about what's above? Send me a note. I'm expressing my feelings and my experiences, but that doesn't mean it's all bad. 

Prologue: schneidermonkey24.deviantart.c…
Chapter 1: schneidermonkey24.deviantart.c…
Chapter 2: This
I'm a terrible person. I JUST remembered I have the next chapter that has to go up. Good job Kylee. *thumbs up*

Journal History

Ok so yes I know it's still not up but, I've started roleplaying again, which means HELLO INSPIRATION!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm super excited to get back into this. Don't worry, I WILL finish this story. I have made it something I HAVE to do, for me. Cause it's kinda like a There's-Always-Light-At-The-End-of-the-Tunnel type story so it's super important for ME. Gonna get back into it RIGHT away! :D


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Kylee N. L.
United States
I love to read and write. I love music and am a schneider monkey, I love animals and my favorite book series is Warriors. I love to hang out with my besties!
First off, I am not ashamed to admit this: CrazyShootin Stamp by CrazyShootin

copy this to your deviant ID if you love warrior cats!!
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .¸,-'´`'-.,
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Best friend: :iconvivikitty473: !!!!!!!!!
I am a fox, but I can't put up link.

According to a quiz, I am a ShadowClan warrior! Battle-hungry, aggressive, ambitious and greedy for territory. It is said that the cold wind that blows across the ShadowClan territory chills their hearts and makes them suspicious and untrusting. "And I agree! I am a ShadowClan cat, and nobody question me!" snarls this sentence.

Apparently I am a Shinx pokemon. " You are very active, and you enjoy learning. You have a bright personality, but others can sometimes feel intimidated by your openness." lol sounds like me! :D

Simons Cat _Fly PWNED_ Stamp by ImHisEternalAngel I Like Waffles. Stamp by bizarrostamps Dont Judge my Gallery by YourOwnArt DA Stamp - Roleplaying 01 by tppgraphics
Sarcastic Stamp by PixieDust01 llama llama llama by djSeragaki Wolfs Rain  2 by princess-femi-stamps Feline invasion by prosaix
FAIL as a girl stamp 2 by JiiHaku Spongebob stamp by Dreamypunk Scrach-cat and Cymow by vivikitty473 Talon by vivikitty473 Buttercup And Cutie by vivikitty473 Special Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Hates You Stamp by HappyStamp OCs Stamp by Miho-Nosaka-stamps I'M FEMALE by Washu-M I REFUSE Stamp by RoxyOblivion Crypts of Lieberkuhn by SirvanaRachana I don't know you enough. by PrincessFlaw Warriors Stamp by Goldencloud Stamp - I'm a virgin 1 by duhcoolies Sarcastic Stamp by PixieDust01 My favorite and commonly used OCs no copy***Talon
 -Reason for name: She actually named herself. And it's because of her permanantly stained paws and her sharp, long, deadly claws.
 A dark grey she-cat with bright yellow-orange eyes and paws stained with blood. Rogue
 Parent(s): unknown, other than that they were rogues, and were very murderous cats.
 Sister(s): Honey, unknown
 Brother(s): unknown
 No one yet, but is in love with a silver tom named Silverpelt, a warrior of ThunderClan.
Cloudblaze ( formerly Cloud)
 -Reason for name: Cloud for her personality, and then blaze because of her cquick witted thinking and her passion for doing what is right.
 She-cat, a seal, chocolate tortie point, she has a black, orange and white speckled muzzle, tail tip, ears, and paws. She has a light
 brown natural color and bright blue Siamese eyes. ThunderClan
 Parents: River is the mother. A gray rogue who's actions are as smooth and confident as the river. Forest is the
Look at mah stamps STAMP by Albino-Broccoli Black cat stamps by Shizuru117Bad Mood Stamps Smiling by stamps-club stupid stamps by theestephasaurusrex
hehe,… and llama llama llama by djSeragaki are the same!… maru!… some of these cats are in there voluntarily!!!!!!
I support Tiny stamps by cilen-chii Pretty Stamps by HappyStamp Stamps Stamp by JetProwerTheFox Stop Eating the Stamps by EmeraldTokyo Supporting Supportive Stamps by Otogakure-Akatsuki I Support Stamps On Stamps by MatthewsStamps No Sleep Stamps Will Eat Me by bizarrostamps :thumb272453356: Insomniac Stamp by Mirz123 I Love Chocolate by Sophibelle NO SMOKE STAMP by schtolz Meat lover by prosaix Rock Music Stamp by Davidgtza2 Happily Childfree by OurHandOfSorrow Tomboy Stamp by PaltZu Ace Stamp 1 by RJDaae Stamp: Atheist by 8manderz8 Girl Gamer Stamp by Eisoptrophobic

FAKE FRIENDS -Never seen you cry
REAL FRIENDS -Cry with you
FAKE FRIENDS - Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back ...
REAL FRIENDS - keep your stuff so long they forget it's yours
FAKE FRIENDS -Know a few things about you...
REAL FRIENDS -Could write a book about you
FAKE FRIENDS -Would knock on your front door..
REAL FRIENDS -Walk right in and say "I'm home"
FAKE FRIENDS -Will help you up when you fall over..
REAL FRIENDS -Will jump on top of you and shout "dog-pile"
FAKE FRIENDS -Are around for awhile..
REAL FRIENDS -Are for life
FAKE FRIENDS - will read this
REAL FRIENDS - will steal this ♥ ( me and vivi firmost of the real friends
You are the god of balance and destabilization! You know the joints like the back of your palm, and you can easily manipulate them. It's all in the technique, and that's what YOU GOT! ( This is not really the type of fighter I am, But I want to be this way! That would be awesome...) CrazyShootin Stamp by CrazyShootin
What Animal Are You?
What Animal Are You?
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Sabaku-No-Kaze Featured By Owner May 9, 2015  Student General Artist
It really has been forever, what have you been up to?
schneidermonkey24 Featured By Owner May 10, 2015
Mostly watching anime and reading x Reader fanfic tbh
Sabaku-No-Kaze Featured By Owner May 10, 2015  Student General Artist
That's completely okay, just do whatever makes you happy maaannnn~ I've been balancing myself between academics, trying to get some character development done, and helping with various activities around the area, as well as trying to grow a social life. Sleeping too. Sleep is important and I should actually pay more attention to that, hhhh.
schneidermonkey24 Featured By Owner May 11, 2015
oH yeah no I've been like not going to school 80% of the time...
And instead sleeping/watching anime/reading x Readers/sleeping
Even though I haven't been sleeping much. Lol
(1 Reply)
Sabaku-No-Kaze Featured By Owner Edited Oct 1, 2014  Student General Artist


schneidermonkey24 Featured By Owner Oct 4, 2014

CreedDiskenthFanGirl Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
schneidermonkey24 Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014
Hola ^.^
CreedDiskenthFanGirl Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
hows it going?
schneidermonkey24 Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014
Good you?
(1 Reply)
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